Thursday, November 11, 2010

Changing Roles

In a few short weeks, I will be a grandmother.

A grandmother!

When I was younger, I used to think that once I was in my thirties  I would come into my own.    I would be very wise, have my body whipped into shape, be loving and perfectly kind with amazing self control, and my home and children would be proof of it all. 

I recently realized that I still hold myself to those rather unrealistic expectations.

Although I've amassed a ton of knowledge in the areas of home and family, homeschooling and nutrition,  health and self worth; I cannot live perfectly.   And when I try and fail (often!) in my quest for perfection- I mentally beat myself up for it.   

If I have all of this knowledge...why can't I live it completely at all times?  And because I have this knowledge, my inner self wants to live a higher, better law.   My spirit expects more than my human frailties can deliver.

My human frailties....something I must not forget are a given in this life.

Only One was truly perfect.  Only He.

I must remind myself often  that I can only do my very best.   And that is truly enough.
That it's okay to be imperfect, that I can repent when I make mistakes. 

To remember that I am unique....and I should not be comparing myself to others only to feel I come up short.  (Because I do that a lot.)

My beloved children were sent to me.  No one else.
I must be worthy on some level  in the eyes of God to be entrusted with such a sacred responsibility.
And God surely has a sense of humor if he sends these wonderful beings to us amidst the messiness of life: diapers and spit up, hard little baby heads whacking us in the face,  snotty noses and tantrums. 

Here am I: a spiritual being having a human experience.

And what an experience!  I have learned so much as a daughter, sister, wife and mother....and the learning continues daily.

What a privelege it is to have a turn on this earth.  

My next life privelege is the role of grandmother.

I have begun to realize the freedoms being a grandmother allows me. 
I can be fun and creative, a little crazy and eccentric.   Things my own children enjoy to a point- until they become young teens.  : )

Grandmothers don't have to have teenage bodies- they're actually much nicer to hug when a little soft and squishy.  Little children accept you just as you are.

I think of my own grandmother, who is still a major influence in my life.   She had so much fun with us and her home became our Wonderland.   She is my role model.

 I can't wait to see what kind of grandma I become!  

Here are two great poems I love- and although I'm nowhere near an 'old lady' they give me food for thought.  : )

When I'm an Old Lady

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness... just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry... I'll run if I'm able!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

I'll sit close to the TV, through channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.

And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"

Author Unknown


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  When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

 Jenny Joseph

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