New Pathways

 “When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open.”
~ Alexander Graham Bell

Having lived in many different places, I have come to deeply understand how you can leave some of yourself behind when you move away.  Memories become just that- no longer living in a certain home or town, you can't look to a spot and say, "That is where we picnicked."  or "Remember when she took her first steps right there?" 

 There is a beauty in living in one town or home or area from the moment you marry and begin to raise a family.  Your family and children can have deep roots and combined memories of that place- because virtually everything happens there.

 While we have had many adventures in different states, for the most part we can't visit those places and reminisce when we feel like it.    It's rather sad, honestly.

I have always enjoyed the art and thoughts of Mary Engelbreit.  Her artwork above struck me recently.  I realized that it really is easy to look back, regretfully and longingly on closed doors and past roads.   Does this add to my life in any way?  To long for things I no longer have, to wonder what life would be like now if we had chosen differently?

 That, my friends, is a recipe for misery.  

We all make mistakes, life throws us challenges and new opportunities. 
 We carefully make choices based upon the knowledge we have at the time they're presented.   
That's truly all we can do.  

 The last home we left was amazing.  We were so blessed to be surrounded with the comfort and beauty of the place, the peacefulness of the land that filled our souls.   I've had many a pang of regret for having left.  

We made choices.  We chose to move closer to family, to move back to an area where we have strong roots and are surrounded by good people. 
 Because those things really matter.
  Has it been easy?  Definitely not.  
I have longingly pined for my past home as we waited almost two years, living in a furnished rental.    I have missed my Ponderosa pine trees and green grasses and snow-covered hills as we've tried to wrestle out an existence in a drier, wilder climate.  
Every step of the way, this new place has been difficult.  We've had our doubts and have wondered, why?  
Why is everything so hard, when we felt sure of our plan to return here?

Little by little, we are being comforted.  God is revealing that His plan for us is better than what we thought we wanted.   As we've let control of the details slip through our fingers a little at a time, we are shown more and more that He is mindful of us, He knows what will make us happy and if we just allow it, He will take care of things.

I can't tell you how good it feels- to let go of the reins of life somewhat, get out of my own way and know that my Father is caring for me. 
I am learning to look forward to doors that are opening, new pathways being cleared.  
I am thankful.

Happenings

Moving into a new house, celebrating birthdays, taking a truckload of teen girls to the drive-in, seeing two girls off to their first dance, joyfully welcoming our third grandchild (a boy!), watching children grow and change....this is what Spring 2013 has brought our way:

Baby Hayden!

I sometimes feel as if everything is in fast forward- there is so much to experience, so much to enjoy and savor and yet life slips by faster than I can grab hold of it.  I feel breathless and, as I've mentioned before, as if I have one foot continuously on the brake, trying to slow things down.

Today I read a quote that summed up those feelings.
 From Courtney Kendrick (on the eve of her son's fifth birthday):  "....His birthday, the anniversary of my motherhood, is the date my life hit a fast forward button and everything started sinking rapidly into a vortex of time and information.  I never knew this was motherhood--watching life disappear into memories at a speed you can't control.  It's a rush of so many sorts."

I so agree!  My life, this blog, everything that I am is dedicated to my family.  It's all-encompassing and yet, 
I wouldn't want it any other way.

 May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human enough hope to make you happy. -Unknown

The past few years have been a major trial and learning process for me.
Wanting things in life-GOOD things, striving for them and yet, still having things turn out differently or feeling as though prayers are not being answered the way we want, or that we must be doing something wrong to be experiencing all of these trials in the first place.
I have learned some important things- which is the point of all trials, right?  LEARNING and GROWING.
I have truly learned the following (even if I thought I knew it before):

*Faith and Fear cannot coexist.
*We are carefully watched over and are engraven in the palms of the Lord's hands.
*What we think we want may not be what we need.
*If, at any time we pridefully think we know all the answers in an area of life, we will surely be made aware of our weaknesses.
* If we think our trials are difficult, remember, there are always those experiencing much more difficult things!
* At times, we may think others have it 'all together' when in fact, they may be experiencing deep pain or hardship.

*GO and DO, don't sit and stew. 
* Do NOT feed the wrong wolf within you.
*Trials make us stronger.
* Happiness is a Choice.
* The Sweet, Simple things in life are the real ones.

These trials, this period of our life, have changed us.  I realized the other day how much less we have laughed over the past few years or just enjoyed simple pleasures.   We have known burdens unlike any we had known previously.  
On the other hand, we have been blessed exquisitely and have felt a depth of satisfaction and love for our children and grandchildren that is amazing and has carried us through.

I have come to deeply admire those who have made it through trials and tribulations and my compassion and empathy have grown by leaps and bounds.  This is a powerful thing. 

At this point in time, I can carefully say that we are now safely on the other side of a major life storm.  We have weathered it- not always well, but having learned some big lessons.
A weight is being lifted from our shoulders and we are filled with gratitude for our blessings.

Here's to looking forward to experiencing simple pleasures once again, with a more wisened heart.  

  Trials are medicine which our gracious and wise physician prescribes, because we need them and he proportions the frequency and weight of them to what the case requires, let us trust in his skill and thank him for his prescription. -John newton

Things for me to remember:

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all they ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."  (Proverbs 3: 5-6)

This has been my journey- and I'm sure always will be.  I know that as I have needs or desires or questions, I can pray and ask for an increase in faith.  " It is an upward spiral. When we ask in faith, we receive answers to our prayers.  When we receive answers to our prayers, our faith is strengthened.  With increased faith, we can receive increased blessings." From  You Can Become Pure In Heart 

"The Lord answers our prayers according to our desire and according to our faith. It is important that our desires are correct and that our faith is strong."

To that, I will add that every answer is in the Lord's time and is for our benefit- even though we may think we're not receiving what we prayed for.  It is a learning process to truly TRUST IN THE LORD....and He knows best!  

Getting Answers:

"Why does it sometimes appear that God is not listening or answering?  Perhaps we have not prepared properly.  The Savior said, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to  him, and will sup with him and  he with me."  (Revelation 3:20)

"This promise is made to everyone.  There is no discrimination, no favored few, but the Lord has not promised to crash the door.  He stands and knocks.  If we do not listen, he will not sup with us nor give answer to our prayers.  We must learn how to listen, grasp, interpret,  understand.  The Lord stands knocking.  He never retreats.  But he will never force himself upon us.  If our distance from him increases, it is we who have moved and not the Lord.  And should we ever fail to get an answer to our prayers, we must look into our lives for a reason.  We have failed to do what we should do, or we have done something we should not have done.  We have dulled our hearing or impaired our eyesight." ~ Spencer W. Kimball

"If we are worried about something and upset in our feelings, the inspiration does not come.  If we so live that our minds are free from worry and our conscience is clear and our feelings are right toward one another, the operation of the Spirit of the Lord upon our spirit is as real as when we pick up the telephone; but when they come, we must be brave enough to take the suggested actions."  Harold B. Lee

Live Extraordinary!

There are so many amazing people in this world.  
Those who think, who act and then inspire others.
I want to share another amazing person, with amazing ideas.
His name is Stephen Palmer and he's created Life Manifestos.

  Wonderful, uplifting ideas with which to adorn your home and inspire your family.
  After deliberating over the many amazing choices, I bought 'Live Extraordinary' for each of my grown children for Christmas, as well as our own home.  I love it!
  Stephen Palmer also sends out a weekly inspirational emails.  I've enjoyed so many of them and look forward to their arrival on Mondays.  
Here's an excerpt from the latest, and be sure to click on the link at the end to read more of these inspiring messages:

"......El Dorado is an idea, a twisted hope embedded in the soul of man. It is the incessant quest for a free lunch, the foolish search for greener pastures, the deluded yearning for quick and easy shortcuts, the childish desire to get something for nothing.
As Cortés sneered at the offer of land, we reject exercise and nutrition in favor of drugs and liposuction. Preferring overnight riches to earned wealth, we buy lottery tickets, gamble in the stock market, speculate in risky ventures promising high returns.
The illusory gold of romance gleaming in our wandering eyes, we pursue one relationship after another, only to become disenchanted with each when it becomes hard work. We abandon the fields of marriage to muck around in the mines of superficial passion and selfish lust.
Anxious for something new and exciting to enliven our daily routine, we frantically comb Facebook and check email. Wanting an easy path to open up for us, we wait for inspiration before acting.
For all such malcontent treasure-seekers, happiness, fulfillment, and success lie always around the next bend in the road, ever slipping through their fingers. They may not die of disease or starvation, but their hunger is never satiated and the sickness of El Dorado rots their soul.
We have been given soil to till, a purpose to fulfill. Our fields of purpose lie fallow as long as El Dorado makes our hearts beat faster and lifts our eyes to distant horizons.
The beginning of success is the realization that El Dorado has not, does not, will not ever exist except as dark and perverted fantasies posing as glamorous legends — the acceptance that there are no shortcuts, that nothing worthwhile comes quick and easy." 
  ~From The Cure for the Sickness of El Dorado, by Stephen Palmer

Faith Versus Worry

I've always been a worrier, a 'people pleaser' and have suffered from many self-doubts.

It's not uncommon for me to agonize over every major decision,  whether I should have said something or not in conversations, or worry if I've done something to make someone else unhappy.
Truly, it stems from my desire to do the right thing, to teach my children good principles, to see everyone around me content, and for life to be peaceful.

The problem is, that over the past few years, life has heaped a number of unexpected difficulties upon us.  No matter how hard I tried to set it right again, to bring back the peace and contentment in the form we once knew, I couldn't.   This caused a plague of worries and doubts to descend upon me-I think because I felt it was up to me to bring back the happiness that we knew single-handedly.

Once I realized that there were some lessons to be learned from the life changes we were going through, and that I was slowly sinking into a pattern of worry that was unhealthy, I began to research ways to heal and reverse this trend.

In pondering how to overcome worry and doubt, I was led to a wonderful article by Kevin W. Pearson.  

It opened my eyes to the struggle I was having within.  I thought I was firm in having faith- faith in God, faith in our future, faith that all would be well.   At the same time, however, I was plagued by major fear, doubts and anxiety.

In my own mind, I thought if I could simply work out any possible future problems before they happened, I would be doing my part to work toward my goals.  

Instead, I realize,  a battle was raging within me: a battle between fear and doubt and FAITH.   

When I read his words, "Faith and fear cannot coexist." It struck a chord in me and I realized how true that really is.  As he says in his talk, "One gives way to the other."  In my own heart, when I would realize that fear and doubt were winning, I'd strengthen my faith to even things out.   This battle raged on and was wearing me out physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Another powerful truth was when he said, "We get what we focus on consistently".

 How many negative thoughts do we think in a day- even though we feel we're pretty positive people?   

My husband and I ran some errands in town the other day and I was letting him in on some of the things I had been internalizing and worrying over.  He was giving me advice, diffusing some of the negative self talk and helping me look at the bigger picture.   He asked me, "Do you even realize how many times you've said the word 'worry' in the past 20 minutes?" 
He was right!  

Trying to work out possible scenarios of the future is ridiculous when there is really nothing I can do to change anything now.   I'm learning that I can't help everyone, I can't make people happy, I can let go of things I have no control over, things that are past and stop worrying about things that may never happen!

A favorite funny (and so true) quote by Mark Twain- 

"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

I had heard this quote before, but was reminded of it yet again when speaking to Mindy Heath, who is author of the blog Living the Joyful Life.  She mentors people and I was the grateful recipient of a 30 minute free mentoring session.  She helped me put my thoughts in perspective and gave me some great springboard articles to read- including Elder Pearson's talk.  I highly recommend reading articles on her blog- they are so inspiring!

As I heal myself from this plague of over-worrying, over-thinking everything and doubting myself, I know I'm learning valuable lessons that I can, in turn, teach to my own children and others who may need them. 

 Now for the true words of wisdom from Elder Pearson's talk.

Here are excerpts that really stood out to me.  You can read it in its entirety HERE.   (Bold type added by me.)

"There is a quality of faith which develops as we focus all of our heart, might, mind, and strength. It is seen and felt in the eyes of a great missionary, a valiant and virtuous young woman, and righteous mothers, fathers, and grandparents. It can be seen in the lives of individuals young and old, in every land and culture, speaking every language, in every circumstance and station in life."

He says this is the "eye of faith...,  the ability to focus and be steadfast, continually holding fast to true principles, nothing wavering, even when the mist of darkness confronting us is exceedingly great. This quality of faith is exceedingly powerful."

 However,  he reminds us that God gave us agency to act for ourselves even though there is opposition in all things.   " And so it is with faith. It can be enticing to choose doubt and disbelief over faith."

"Faith and fear cannot coexist.

 One gives way to the other. The simple fact is we all need to constantly build faith and overcome sources of destructive disbelief. The Savior’s teaching comparing faith to a grain of mustard seed recognizes this reality (see Mathew 13 31:32). Consider it this way: our net usable faith is what we have left to exercise after we subtract our sources of doubt and disbelief. You might ask yourself this question: “Is my own net faith positive or negative?” If your faith exceeds your doubt and disbelief, the answer is likely positive. If you allow doubt and disbelief to control you, the answer might be negative."

"We do have a choice.

 We get what we focus on consistently. Because there is an opposition in all things, there are forces that erode our faith. Some are the result of Satan’s direct influence. But for others, we have no one but ourselves to blame. These stem from personal tendencies, attitudes, and habits we can learn to change. I will refer to these influences as the “Six Destructive Ds.” As I do, consider their influence on you or your children.

First is doubt. Doubt is not a principle of the gospel. It does not come from the Light of Christ or the influence of the Holy Ghost. Doubt is a negative emotion related to fear. It comes from a lack of confidence in one’s self or abilities. It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of God.

Doubt leads to discouragement. Discouragement comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit (see Preach My Gospel [2004], 10). Discouragement and despair are the very antithesis of faith.

Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Distraction eliminates the very focus the eye of faith requires. Discouragement and distraction are two of Satan’s most effective tools, but they are also bad habits.

Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life, but it need not lead to doubt, discouragement, distraction, or lack of diligence.

If not reversed, this path ultimately leads to disobedience, which undermines the very basis of faith. So often the result is disbelief, the conscious or unconscious refusal to believe.

The scriptures describe disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one’s heart. It is to be past feeling.

These Six Destructive Ds—doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief—all erode and destroy our faith. We can choose to avoid and overcome them.

Challenging times require greater spiritual power. Consider carefully the Savior’s promise: “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moroni 7:33)."

Content copyright © 2012 by Jessa at Graceful Landing

Words of Wisdom

I invite all to visit Mindy Heath's blog, Living the Joyful Life.

One word: Amazing.  Okay, three words: Amazing and Enlightening and Uplifting.

Here's a short excerpt to ponder, then go now, visit and inhale her thoughts! (And thank her later.)

"What do you expect? Of yourself, your children, your spouse? What is your perception of life, marriage, money? Is is right? Is is true? I know it feels true but is it true according to the teachings of Christ? Another question is does it make you happy? Does it bring you peace? If not, why not change it? Choose another view, another perception. One that gets you what you want in life. One that helps you feel the love, joy and connection you were born to feel. Because isn’t choosing our thoughts the best use of our God given agency?
So today say to yourself, “Self, from now on I choose to be happy” and then go practice and when you find harmful or unhelpful thoughts choose other ones instead. Maybe it is that easy, maybe it is all just in our heads."  By Mindy Heath, Living the Joyful Life: Is it all in your head? (This will totally change your life!)

Just for Today

By Sibyl F. Partridge:

1. Just for today I will be happy.  This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."  Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.

2. Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.  I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

3. Just for today I will take care of my body.  I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

4. Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind.  I will learn something useful.  I will not be  a mental loafer.  I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

5. Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways; I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out.  I will do at least two things I don't want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

6. Just for today I will be agreeable.  I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.

7. Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackle my whole life problem at once.  I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

8. Just for today I will have a program.  I will write down what I expect to do every hour.  I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.  It will eliminate two pests, hurrying and indecision.

9. Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself to relax.  In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective in my life.

10. Just for today I will be unafraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.